Mars Bars

M&Ms maker allegedly gets Twixt out of millions

“Who can take a sunrise? Sprinkle it with dew. Cover it with chocolate and a miracle or two. The candyman.” – Sammy Davis Jr.

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One of the Oompa-Loompas at Mars Inc. has been indicted for stealing $28 million from the storied candy maker.

The scheme is a bit complicated to explain because the minions who run chocolate factories can be crafty. But essentially, Paul R. Steed, 58, of Stamford, Conn., is accused of setting up his own company and directing sugar refineries to pay it – instead of Mars – for credits under the U.S. Department of Agriculture Sugar-Containing Products Re-Export Program.

He carried an impressive title: “Global Price Risk Manager for Mars Wrigley’s Global Cocoa Enterprise.”

Imagine that: It turns out the risk manager was the risk. Hubba Bubba.

M&Ms are bewildered and saddened to learn of a betrayal within their ranks. (Photo credit: Lewis Clarke, via Wikimedia Commons.)

Steed worked for the McLean, Va.-based company from home – something Willie Wonka would have never allowed.

He must have thought his scheme was like taking candy from a baby. He got away with it for years – from 2011 to 2023, prosecutors allege.

Where, oh, where were the Three Musketeers while this Sugar Daddy was allegedly milking the Milky Way? They could have been real Life Savers. Still, it could have been much worse if Mars had been the chocolatier that introduced the 100 Grand Bar. My apologies to the Mars family. These puns are cheap shots. This guy may have taken them for a Doublemint and I should not Snicker.

It may have taken the Mars heirs a long time to miss all these millions because they are the second-richest family in America. They rank behind the Waltons, with a combined net worth of $117 billion, according to Forbes. Who knew?

In times like these, some may cheer at the thought of ripping off billionaires instead of getting ripped off by billionaires. But as billionaires go, the Mars family appear to care – at least according to this rare feature in Business Insider.

The family has made only a few headlines for oppressing the little people like so many other billionaires these days. Most recently, a 2023 CBS News investigation uncovered child labor in Mars’ global supply chain. The company also gets a bad rap for deforestation and continuing to work with the Russian Federation.

Still, the Mars heirs keep a low-profile and they’ve never taken their company public – not throwing their marvelous chocolate factories to the rapacious whims of Wall Street.

They appear to have lived a great American success story.

As a child, Frank Mars couldn’t walk to school because he had polio. His mother taught him to hand-dip chocolates at home, and in 1911, he began selling candy from his kitchen in Tacoma, Wash.

Flash forward to 1941 and his company invents M&Ms. Today, it produces 400 million every day.

So many colorful pellets of joy for so many people, but somehow there’s always an Augustus Gloop – the glutinous twerp from “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” who tried to guzzle Willie Wonka’s chocolate river.

A federal grand jury returned a nine-count indictment against Steed and he was arrested last week. He’s pleaded not guilty. If he’s convicted, he’s going to see a lot more bars.